Summary: Dean convinces 14-year-old Sam to dress up for a church's "haunted house", so he can try and score with the preacher's daughter. This just may explain why Sam is so anti-Halloween in the pilot.
Characters: Sam, Dean, a few OC's. No real pairing, just Dean being a hormonal teen over a pretty girl.
Warning: Complete irreverence toward the bizarre practice of "Christian" Hell Houses. IMHO there is nothing Christian about them.
art by heartblowswild
Unfortunately, Sam caught his and Dean’s reflection as they walked past a store window. Yep, thanks to his big brother, he was still dressed as Robin the Boy Wonder and he still looked like the official King of the Dorks.
If you asked him, Dean looked like a big dork too, but at least he got to be something cool. People actually liked Batman. Nobody liked Robin as far as he knew. And that was precisely the reason Dean had bought this costume for him. It was the perfect choice. It was half-price because nobody else wanted it and it humiliated the living crap out of Sam. It was clearly a win-win for his brother.
“God, I look ridiculous,” Sam groaned. “I can’t believe I let you talk me into this. Is this girl really worth it?”
Dean stopped short and his mouth fall open in horror. “Dude! This isn’t just some girl, it’s Allison Adams. Have you seen her?”
“She’s a preacher’s daughter, Dean. You realize that means she’s not going to have sex with you, don’t you?”
His brother patted him on the top of the head like he was still a little snot nosed kid. Sam really hated it when he did that.
“Sammy, Sammy…. You need to listen to me more often, man. Preacher’s daughters are almost always a sure thing. All that religious repression makes ‘em extra horny.”
For some reason that Sam could not fathom, his jerkface brother did have a lot of luck with girls. So, he guessed it was pointless to argue with his stupid theories on the subject. However, that didn’t mean he had to encourage him.
“Fine, whatever. But I still don’t see why I have to be here.”
“I told you, it’s a thing for the twelve to fourteen-year-old youth group at her church. I told her I’d bring you.”
“Like she’d even notice if I wasn’t here.”
“Don’t be a bitch, Sammy. I told you I’d do all the laundry for the next month. Suck it up. You might have some fun for once.”
Sam doubted that after he took a look at the sign in front of the church. It showed shrieking faces and clichéd looking demons on a background of what was supposed to be hellfire. The caption read:
Halloween Hell House!
Admission $2. Free to all youths on Halloween night!!!
Well, at least this wouldn’t cost them any money.
“Dean, don’t you think it’s sorta weird that a church is putting on a haunted house?”
Dean shrugged, but obviously wasn’t listening. The very leggy form of Allison Adams was coming toward them and he was way too enthralled to care about anything else. Especially considering that her perfect figure was squeezed into a tiny cheerleader’s uniform and her blond hair was in pigtails. Sam could practically hear the porno soundtrack that was playing in his pervy brother’s head.
“Hi Dean,” she cooed with a broad smile full of impossibly white teeth.
“Allison,” he nodded casually.
Sam rolled his eyes. Dean was putting on his extra cool act tonight.
“I love the Batman outfit and your brother looks so cute as Robin!” Allison gushed. “I think it’s totally sweet that you coordinated your outfits like that. You have such an awesome big brother,” she said, actually sparing a glance at Sam as she said it.
“Yeah, he’s awesome,” he agreed sarcastically, but he might as well have said nothing at all. She wasn’t listening to him. She was ‘like totally’ into Dean. He wasn’t sure which of the two of them was more lame.
“So, what’s in there?” Dean asked with a smirk and a nod toward the church. “Ghosts, werewolves? Scary crap like that?”
Allison smiled again and gave his brother a wink. “I can’t give the surprise away. This is a special kind of haunted house. Trust me, you’ll feel so close to God when this is over. Fifteen people have been saved just this week!”
“Awesome,” Dean replied, obviously trying to hide his lack of enthusiasm.
Maybe this night wouldn't be so terrible after all. This could be a rare opportunity for Sam to watch his cocky big brother crash and burn. Something like that could almost make wearing this humiliating costume worth it.
“Can I ask a huge favor?” Allison said as she nervously fiddled with her pom-poms.
“Anything you want, sweetheart. Just name it.”
Great. Suave, ladies’ man Dean was back in the saddle already. He was hard to keep down. Sam had to give him that.
“Well, I actually need your little brother for this,” she said, turning toward Sam and giving him a hopeful smile.
“Huh?” He didn’t expect that.
“Yeah, the thing is… the kid who plays the devil is home sick with the flu tonight.” She paused and stuck out her bottom lip in an exaggerated pout. “We really need someone to fill-in and he’s just about your size. You’ll be a perfect fit for the costume. So, will you help us out? Pretty please.”
No. No way. He wanted to get out of the Robin outfit, but he wasn’t that desperate. He wasn’t going to hang around this place all night trying to scare people in some cheesy haunted house. Dean could just drop the ‘come on, Sammy’ expression, because it wasn’t happening.
“Sorry, I’d rather not.” Sam aimed for polite but firm.
As expected, a hand reached out, roughly grabbed him by the arm, and dragged him a few feet away.
“Dude!” Dean hissed under his breath. “You’ve gotta do this for me. She’ll be so grateful. Besides, how bad could it be?”
Sam shook his head and set his jaw stubbornly. “No. Forget it, Dean. Your freaky sex life is not that important to me. If you want to impress her so much, you go be the devil.”
“I can’t! You heard her. The costume wouldn’t fit me. Being Satan is your gig, Sammy. Come on.”
“Awww man. Please. Say ‘yes’ to Satan, Sam. I’ll do laundry for the next two months.”
“Okay, three months. And next time Dad’s gone, I’ll let you pick where we get our takeout – every night. I’ll even eat one of your lame-ass salads if you want. Come on, Sammy! You’ve gotta do this for me. Did you even look at her rack?”
Dean obviously wasn’t letting this go, so Sam may as well make it worth his while.
“Six months and I get dibs on restaurant choices the entire time.”
Dean scowled. He wasn’t happy with that bargain, but he didn’t take very long to consider it either.
“Fine, Shrimp. But don’t you dare screw this up for me. You gotta play Satan like you were born to do it, dude. If you don’t, I’ll kick your ass so hard, you’ll wake up dead.”
Sam rolled his eyes. What was it about this girl that was making Dean act so crazy? She was pretty, but jeez!
And Sam thought the Robin costume was stupid. This situation proved, once again, that things could and usually did get worse for him.
Now he was wearing an embarrassingly skintight black bodysuit, a red cape, red face paint, a ton of black eyeliner, and a cheesy set of plastic horns attached to a headband. And how could he forget his long, floppy tail and his pitchfork? In the Robin costume, at least he had a mask to cover his eyes and he could pretend no one would recognize him.
As if the new outfit wasn’t bad enough, the ‘haunted house’ itself was the most terrifying thing Sam had ever seen. And that was saying a lot, considering what his family did for a living.
Aside from a collection of demons and a few kids dressed up like angels, they had none of the usual supernatural beings found in haunted houses. But what they did have was scene after scene of “sinners” being punished.
The abortion and the suicide scenes were both so disturbing they were beyond explaining, so Sam was blocking those from his mind.
On the other hand, there was the crazy party skit where a bunch of teens were pretending to dirty dance, drink liquor, and do drugs. That one was pretty hilarious, especially since the dialogue was obviously written by someone who hadn’t been a teen since the 60’s or 70’s. The word “groovy” was used a total of around five thousand times.
The part with the guy smoking a “joint” was the best. He supposedly gets so toasted that he decides he can fly, so he yells “groovy, man!” and jumps off what is supposed to be a roof. Tragically, he can’t actually fly and ends up splattering fake blood all over the place when he lands.
The church spared no expense, either. The kid was attached to cables and after his “death” he was very theatrically lowered into the bowels of hell where he would “suffer for all eternity” at the hands of a bunch of cackling demons. Dean was going to love that one.
Finally, Allison finished giving Sam his exclusive pre-show tour and took him to the room where he was to play his part. The script he was given listed three roles. The slutty cheerleader, the tempted young football player, and Lucifer – that was him.
The “slutty cheerleader” was supposed to seduce the “nice Christian football player”, but unfortunately, after doing the deed they would both be immediately and simultaneously stricken with AIDS, syphilis, gonorrhea, and herpes. As they were both dying horrible deaths, Sam was to make his grand entrance and deliver his lines, which were:
I am Lucifer, Prince of Darkness. Your sins of the flesh have damned you to the fires of hell. Your souls will burn for all….
For God’s sake! Sam stopped reading and flipped the script closed. He wasn’t doing this. He didn’t care how much laundry Dean offered to do. A person had to draw a line somewhere.
Then he had a revelation. It even reminded him of the cartoons where a big light bulb would flash over someone’s head. He had to do this! Because, as it turned out, there was one thing that could convince him to play the part of Lucifer.
Allison Adams was wearing the cheerleader’s uniform because she was playing the part of the “slutty cheerleader”. She was going to be the one to die painfully and burn in hell for the sin of having premarital sex.
It was perfect. Batman was so NOT getting laid tonight!